I'm a mom of two beautiful girls trying to get healthy in order to be a good role model.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Must do better, Must do better

That's my mantra.  I admit, I've let things slide this week.  It started with only being able to go to the gym once this week due to commitments.  Then, the lack of healthy food in my house.  This largely in part to the weather.  Hubby has 2 outdoors jobs on the go which he hasn't been able to finish due to all the rain.  No paycheque from the breadwinner in 3 weeks makes for a strapped for cash Casey household.  So, I've been snacking on not so great things instead of fresh veggies. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  Now that we'll have some cash, I'm going grocery shopping and picking up carrots and cucumbers and all sorts of wonderful nourishment for my body.  As I'm sitting here writing this, I'm vowing to get straight on the wii fit after my kids go to bed tonight.  It may not be an hour at the gym, but any sort of activity is calories burned, right?

Truthfully (because if I can't be truthful here - where can I be?), I've been a bit down about weight loss the past couple of days.  You spend 7 straight days of eating well and incorporating exercise into your life and you lose such a small amount at the end of that week.  It just seems like the journey will take forever.  Yes, yes, I know rationally that weight loss/maintenance is a lifelong thing for me but that small part of your brain that causes you to eat emotionally puts all sorts of doubts in your head.

It brought me back to 7th grade.  A boy in my class repeatedly called me fat that year.  There were 2 girls in my class that, no lie, were 2-3 times bigger than me.  Never a comment to them.  One even sat right beside me.  God, I look back at the pictures of me in grades 7,8,9 and I think I looked perfect.  I'd LOVE to be that size again.  Was it those comments in Gr. 7 that led me to believe that I was fat, so why not emotionally eat and actually be fat? 

I don't think I'll actually ever know but I am determined to become the beautiful, sexy woman that my husband has always proclaimed me to be.  I have another 1.5 days until my official weigh in and I am not going to waste that time. Even if I only lose .5 lbs this week I WILL celebrate it.

....and thanks to this blog, I suddenly feel so much better about this journey.

1 comment:

Christy said...

I've been really down and embarassed to blog with my second "rock bottom". Reading this made me feel not alone anymore.

And your husband is right! I think you should celebrate regardless of what the scale says.

Would love to see you soon!